I wish I only lived at night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
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I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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