Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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