You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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