Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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