he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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