well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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