I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize