and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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