Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize