Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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