new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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