end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize