Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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