I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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