So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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