Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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