i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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