i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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