also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize