i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize