im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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