woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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