I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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