Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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