Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The Olympian is in my bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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