I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize