Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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