I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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Be still, my beating vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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