I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Someone signed my nipple.
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