Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize