Your face is a jimmy john
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Small penises have feelings too.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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