uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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