Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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