So drunk, too bad you don't want this
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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