Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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