i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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