How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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