I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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