seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize