sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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