I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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