Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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