Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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