Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize