If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize