rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
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This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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