I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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