he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize