Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize