Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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